


I'm only here because of you.

by saidsoftly



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 07:48:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2059917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saidsoftly/pseuds/saidsoftly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam keeps having the same nightmare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm only here because of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this capkink prompt:
> 
> _Sam/Riley, Riley lives!_
> 
> _I don't care how it happens, but I just need some Sam/Riley, alive and happy in the movie-verse. Maybe Riley was hit but Sam caught him, and they left with an Honorable Discharge due to injuries? I need 'you almost died!' love confessions, or just them being adorable together and Sam has someone to back him up against Steve's trolling on morning runs._
> 
> _Anything, really, just Riley being alive and happily together with Sam._

By the time he recognized the sharp breeze against his neck as the near miss of an M16's bullet, it was too late to warn Riley. He watched in horror as his wingman took one in the shoulder, the force of which snapped him backward and out of Sam's view. 

Sam unholstered the SPPs attached to his waist and returned fire blindly. He might have been a better shot had he maintained his trajectory, but he was already rolling and swooping back around to help Riley. As soon as the other man was back in his sight, he was hit again, this time by something big. Big enough to snap his multi-million dollar metal wing in half and send him hurtling toward the ground.

"SAM!" his partner screamed helplessly, a fresh spray of bullets cutting a path straight through his knee. You wouldn't think that someone spinning and somersaulting his way to the ground would be falling faster than someone in a propelled nosedive, but he was. He was falling so fast, and Sam couldn't reach him. He stretched his arms out desperately, hoping to catch the tip of Riley's still-in-tact left wing as it whizzed by, not caring if it broke his hand in the process, but he just couldn't. He couldn't do anything but watch his best friend plummet to his death in the Afghan desert.

Sam woke up before Riley actually hit the ground, but that didn't stop him from hearing the sickening thud in his head and seeing his bloodied, lifeless body behind his eyelids. The sheets fell around his waist as he sat up, his shoulders falling up and down with the deep breaths he sucked in and forced out. He jammed the heels of his hands into his eyes, unsuccessfully trying to keep his tears in their ducts, and immediately felt embarrassed when the sheets rustled next to him.

"You okay?" a sleepy voice asked.

_No, I'm not okay. You died. You died, and I couldn't do a damn thing but watch._ Sam nodded and managed to force out a quiet, "Yeah." Lies.

Riley sat up, rubbing his eyes before taking in the fairly familiar sight of his boyfriend sitting with every muscle tense after being shaken by a nightmare. By THE nightmare, rather, as it was always the same one. He slid closer, wrapping his arms around Sam's waist and resting his head on his shoulder. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No," Sam replied softly, rubbing a hand across Riley's arm to let him know he appreciated the gesture. He knew he should feel soothed, with the comforting warmth of Riley's chest pressed against his back, but he didn't. He couldn't. Not with the memories so fresh in his mind, playing in his dreams like a movie with a dozen alternate endings, all of them more painful than the last. _This is ridiculous. I should be over it by now, right? He's alive. He's right here. In one piece, more or less._

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know," Riley said after a long while. "Nightmares. They're perfectly normal."

"I know," Sam replied, careful not to sound defensive. And of course he knew; he said the same thing to his vets. "I just wish I could shake 'em."

"Try to think about something else. Like lemon meringue pie. Or how cute I am."

Sam let out a breathy chuckle and turned to see Riley beaming with pride that he put a grin on his boyfriend's face. He was especially cute at the moment, honey-brown eyes sparkling with mirth and tufts of hair sticking up in every direction. Sam teased him about it at first, how Riley let his hair grow out when they left the service while Sam kept his short as ever. He was secretly glad, certainly just because of how handsome Riley looked and not because he liked to tug on it during sex or anything. Riley blinked sleepily, his long, dark lashes brushing against his cheek, and it brought Sam's gaze down to the tiny shrapnel scars scattered across the side of his face. _Shrapnel. Blood. So much blood. The spark of life disappearing from those beautiful brown eyes._

"Fuck," Sam hissed, dropping his head into his hands.

"Hey, it's okay," Riley whispered, rubbing a hand up and down his back, "I'm here."

"I'm sorry, I just...I can't get it out of my head."

"I know, baby," Riley murmured, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"I just feel so guilty. I feel guilty every time I have a nightmare. Why am I the one who's so haunted? I should be comforting you. You're the one who got shot down. You're the one who was laid up in a hospital bed. You're the one who went through months of physical therapy. You're the one who almost died!" Sam's shoulders started trembling at those last words, and Riley held him tighter.

"But you're the one who watched it happen."

Sam cringed.

"I can't imagine seeing you...hurt like that. Torn apart by bullets right in front of me. I was the one who got shot down, yeah, but honestly, it happened so fast, it's all pretty much a blur. I don't really remember anything except being terrified. I don't think I could do what you did. I don't think I could watch something horrible happen to you and have the wherewithal to..." He paused, the idea of Sam in pain bringing moisture to his eyes and making it hard to speak. "You saved me, Sam. I'm only here because of you."

Sam felt a pair of lips press against the back of his neck, but all he could do was nod silently. He hoped those words would sink in eventually, that he could really believe them someday, but for now, he can't help thinking he could have done more to prevent what happened. "I love you, Riley," he said, turning and cupping his boyfriend's face in his hand.

Riley's eyes were still wet, but he smirked. "Of course you do. Look at me. How could you not?"

Sam laughed. "Shut up," he said, silencing him with a kiss.

Riley slid his hand to the back of Sam's neck, deepening the kiss and pouring his heart into it, like it was the only way to show Sam what he meant to him. He smiled as they parted, Sam's fingers sliding through his hair and lips moving up to kiss his forehead. "You hungry?" he asked, "Want some pancakes?"

"Yeah, sounds good. I'm gonna hop in the shower." Sam got up and walked over to the dresser to pull out some fresh clothes before heading into the bathroom.

Riley swung his left leg over the side of the bed, reaching down to attach his prosthesis to the right. He stood up, pausing for a moment to get his bearings and wondered how long it would be before he finally, totally got used to it. He walked into the kitchen with a slight limp, taking the eggs and milk out of the fridge. He was about to grab a mixing bowl when a sharp knock sounded at the door. Riley walked over to answer it with a confused frown. Who the hell would be knocking this early?

He nearly fell over when he opened the door and saw who it was.

"Is Sam Wilson here?" a tall, handsome blonde asked, a hot redhead in a hoodie by his side. Riley recognized him immediately and felt patriotic just standing near the guy.

"Sam!" he called, stepping aside to let them into the small apartment. "Your super friends are here!"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope Tony will hook Riley up with a sweet robot leg.


End file.
